Sasuke the Asexual
by S Girlie
Summary: Sasuke always thought he was Asexual... until he found Naruto in a compromising position sasunaru yaoi oneshot


What can I say? I am on a role... and thought this would be an awesome idea for a story. I really like the way this one came out! I'm kinda all... content and stuff... I dedicate this fic to all of those out there who question their asexuality

I DISCLAIM AND STUFF. there.

ON WITH TEH FIC!

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Hello my name is Sasuke and I am an asexual. Say what you may about me, but I have my reasons. People simply disgust me, especially women... I don't know what exactly ultimately turned me off, but apparently all Uchiha's share my problem.

When I say all the Uchiha's, I mean my brother and I... I am sure Itachi shares my orientation, why else would he destroy our clan? He must have been so frigid that his own balls hardened into oblivion, but of coarse, being the bastard he is, he wouldn't have cared. Manhood is no importance to some one who runs around with a ponytail and pretty purple nails.

In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with me, the only thing that concerns me with my lifestyle choice is the obvious... I have never had a hard-on. When there is no one to turn you on, it is very difficult to be aroused, especially when the world is filled with ugly people who discourage one's penis. My poor penis, never reaching the point of arousal, is curious... what is it like to be all stiff... down there... I enjoy my asexuality, but a life of nothingness has left me feeling unfulfilled... just once, I want to know what it feels like to be horny and anxious to screw some one else.

So today I get out of bed, determined to be aroused. I look down my pants and smile down at my penis... today is your day... don't let me down. I have no doubt that I will succeed in this little mission of mine... I am large and in charge down stairs and when I become erect, everyone will know and it will be awesome.

I quickly get dressed, in the most arousing way possible. If all else fails and I am left with no one to make me hot, then all I will have to do is look down, because according to the female population of Konoha, I am so good looking I ought to give myself a chubby... It has never happened before, but maybe to day it will... and if that doesn't work... I am sure that the vacuum hose will be able to help me out.

I set off for our team's meeting place, attempting to stare at as many people's asses as possible. I am not sure why, but it is said that the rear end of a person is supposed to stir up your peter, I am a bit skeptical, but willing to try. Even if I find a bit disgusting, I grab a woman on the street's rear end... god was that a mistake. How do you react when this woman turns around and slaps you in the face? Is that supposed to turn you on? Well it didn't work for me... I must not be an ass man.

By the time I reach the bridge, my morale has already just about died. There is nothing about the female population that I find attractive, at all... not tits, not ass, not even hair. It's just gross... I can't even stand to be around them. I am just about ready to give up, when I reach my destination, there is no one there, so I let out a sigh of frustration. Only after this, do I realize a rustling in the bushes, I walk over to gaze into them out of curiosity, and what do I see?

"W-What the hell are you looking at?" Screams a blushing, French maid outfit wearing, Naruto. oh. my. god.

What the hell am I looking at, indeed. Who knew the idiot could look so good, so sexy? I have definitely found my source of arouse-ment for the day... maybe even for the week. DAMN. How can I even consider myself asexual when I can't stop staring at him? Naruto you naughty boy... come give daddy some sugar!

"Stop making fun of me Sasuke!" he whines, getting up from the bushes glaring at me, "Some jack ass stole all my clothes last night and left this in my closet as some kind of joke!"

THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. who ever was so kind enough to rid Naruto of his horrid orange suit, you have my words of gratitude, just watching him jump around in his little dress makes my penis want to do awful, horny things to him. Mission Accomplished.

"Quit staring!" he pouts, attempting to break me out of my trance, "I need some clothes, NOW. I don't have time to mail order more outfits... Sasuke.. could you please stop staring at my crotch.. this is important!"

What could be more important than staring at your crotch, my little sex-bitch? I want you to know that for the first time, I feel the flame ignite from in the pants, and it is all because of you. I should take you home just to show you how 'grateful' I am.

"Sasuke!" He screams, flailing his arms, "My face is up here! Please look at me! this is important!" I humor him for a second and look up at him, I'm not really looking at his face, but I don't think he'll know that.

"It takes at least a month for my suits to go through the mail... and I need to change. Right. now. This may not come to any surprise that I am completely embarrassed and willing to let go of my pride to ask you for a change in clothes... just this once."

I can't help but smirk, does he really think I am going to help him? Hell no. HELL NO. Sorry Naruto, but you look WAY too hot in your little maid get up. I am considering stealing your clothes every day just to see you wear it. Kiss your pride good bye idiot, you are officially the property of Uchiha Sasuke... and I want my bitch to look pretty.

"So... If it's not too much to ask..." He blushes, looking down in complete embarrassment, "Could you take me to your house... so I can get out of this stupid thing?"

OH HELL YES. Come home with me little Naruto, I'm sure we'll find something that looks good on you... me perhaps? Be prepared, I am about to unleash 16 years of sexual deprivation on your little ass... for now I can say that I, Uchiha Sasuke, am no longer an asexual.

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